Being a mother has been, without a doubt, the avenue God has used most in my life to teach me about Himself. He continually gives me more than I can seemingly handle and then gently leads me to give my burden to Him as He carries me.
I became a mother five years ago to the sweetest twin girls. Their adoption was beautiful, but it was a whirlwind! We had planned to adopt a toddler boy from overseas, but as He does, God changed our plans when He led us to adopt our twin preemie girls from the U.S. Throw in a move to a new state less than a year later and we found ourselves a family of four in an apartment in a new city.
Our girls were a total delight… during the day. But for whatever reason, these sweet girls refused to sleep. We tried everything from cry-it-out to co-sleeping and nothing would work to teach our girls to sleep. They would keep each other going long into the night. So there was a lot of crying from all of us – every nap was a battle and nights felt so incredibly long. I had truly reached the end of my rope that January and was worried I might just lose my mind.
One Sunday afternoon, I had all I could take. As they screamed from their room I quickly grabbed my keys and told my husband I had to get out of the house, I couldn’t take it anymore. I just started driving, not knowing where I was going. I drove and cried and pled with the Lord to give me more of Him. I couldn’t do this on my own. I begged, “Just show me you’re with me in this.”
Finally I found myself at a park. I went for a run, trying to escape the madness, to get some fresh air to think more clearly. I ran up a hill and saw a green grassy area with one tree in the middle, offering shade from the unusually warm January sun. It was calling to me, so I went and laid down right there under that tree. I will never forget the unexplainable joy that filled my heart as I lay there with the sun shining through the bare tree branches overhead. I literally began to laugh.
After a while, I kept running and found a trail that led through a wooded area. I slowed down and walked through it until it brought me to the edge of a small pond. There was a rock that went out into the water a bit, so I sat there and listened to the water lap onto the banks. And then I just started saying Psalm 23. I said it out loud once before I even realized what the words said.
The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-2
By the second time I spoke these words, I began to sob as I sat on that rock by the quiet waters.
God had made me lie down in a green pasture, He had led me beside quiet waters, He was restoring my soul!
His sweet presence covered me, reminding me that I was never meant to do all this on my own. That even those sleepless nights are an opportunity to know Him more. Jesus was offering me the rest, renewal and restoration that I had been refusing because I felt like I could do this motherhood journey on my own.
I went home to that wonderful man and those precious girls God had put in my care with a renewed Spirit and a heart at rest.
And here I am, four years and two more children later, asking Him for that same rest He gave me then. My gentle Shepherd has never asked me to do this on my own. He is there in the hidden places of middle of the night screaming and lullabies and discipline and weariness, beckoning me to rest in Him.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need.
Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Lindsey Thrasher is a home schooling, stay-at-home momma to four blessings ages 5 and under. Yes, she has her hands full, but is married to a wonderful man who keeps her sane and laughing through the crazy days. She loves Jesus and lives to know Him better. She loves people and learning others’ stories. She has a knack for optimism and a desire for great adventure. She loves to write, but hasn’t found the space to do it as much recently. You can find some of her writing on her blog, shelterofgrace.blogspot.com.
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