I would say that this story begins with the all American dream. Our lives were not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but things were good. We were homeowners. We had one boy and a girl, 2 years apart. I was a photographer shooting weddings and doing freelance for a local magazine part time. My husband was a full-time worship leader.
Then the church we belonged to began to struggle financially. For the record, there are no hard feelings, and we were not tainted by our time in ministry. But as some of you know things do not always run like clockwork behind the scenes with church administration. There were many weeks, sometimes consecutive, where the paychecks just did not come.
That’s not why we decided to move, but it was a bit of a confirmation when the Lord said it was time to go. So we left everything.
We quit our jobs, we sold our house in Texas, and we stepped out in faith to see what God had for us across the country in Kentucky, which is where I am originally from. Sure we were jobless and homeless (okay I won’t be dramatic, we were living with my parents) but our hopes were still high and I was confident that someday all of these trials that we were going through would be part of my testimony.
Then a month later our world was turned upside down when we realized that in the midst of all that we were expecting a third child just before finding out that our second child (our 2-year-old daughter) was profoundly deaf. A lot has happened since then including testing, Special-Ed, therapies, surgeries, and eventually moving across state borders to get our daughter the resources she needs. All this happened over the course of three years without a steady job of any kind.
My husband has actually gone back to school to try to get to a place where he can provide for us, because after endless job searches and several part time opportunities things still turned up short.
Through all of this I find myself thinking someday it will be different and someday this will be part of my testimony. I picture myself as a very experienced, mature woman that has more wisdom than I do now. The woman who has made it to the other side of this journey. The woman who’s finally somehow arrived? She will share my testimony.
So when Holly put out inquiries for submitting guest posts I didn’t think it applied to me. I don’t have a testimony, or the one I do have isn’t ready. I’m just trying to stay afloat in the storm.
Then the Lord spoke to my heart and showed me that I am in fact a testimony of His grace, His provision, His faithfulness, His forgiveness, and His patience as I am. Right now. Broken, but redeemed. Struck down, but not destroyed.
I am sure I am not the only one that has had these feelings. Maybe you are in the midst of a storm or transition of some form. Maybe you wonder how you could possibly be a source of encouragement from your current state, but God is not waiting to complete you so he can use you.
It’s the opposite. He wants to use you, as you are, where you are, so that he can restore you in the process. That is what He does no matter what humble place you find yourself in. This theme is repeated in the Bible over and over again from Moses all the way to Paul. Before, after, and in-between. God’s light shines through, even in the darkest times. So I am not going to sit around and wait to see what He will do at the risk missing what He is already doing.
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord. Let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together! Psalm 34:1-3 NASB
Natalie Busch is a Jesus lover, a wife, and a mother. You can find her over at messymom.com where she shares some practical tips along with humorous and heartfelt stories about her family of 5 living in a tiny apartment. You can join in on the mess through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Google+.
This is the 12th post in Testimony Tuesday: Women who inspire. Click HERE to read all of the other posts in this series. Now it’s your turn to link up your story of how God is working in your life.
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